‘Get your shoes on, we’re going to be late!’
The teacher will think I don’t care.
‘Hat. Scarf. Gloves. Go.’
I’m an awful mother to keep nagging like this.
‘Mummy, there’s mud on your jeans’
I don’t have time to change... They’ll think I’m a slob.
'Yes, I'm sure today is odd sock day.'
If it’s not, everyone will laugh at her and it will be all my fault.
‘Morning Alice.’
Why didn’t Anne good morning to me? Have I offended her?
‘Morning.’
Should I have said good morning specifically to Mark? Does she think I’m rude and ignoring her son? Oh thank god, he's got odd socks on too
‘You look nice this morning.’
I smile and say thank you but I wonder if that means I look dreadful usually.
‘I love your hat.’
So do I, it cost a fortune but I love it. I can’t admit that though. They’ll think I’m a snob or showing off.
‘It was a present, but I’ve had it ages. I’d never normally buy anything from there. I’m more of a Primark girl.’
What are you doing? She paid you a compliment, she didn’t ask for your entire history of shopping habits. Just shut up.
‘Goodbye darling, in you go.’
She didn’t give me a kiss. I can’t believe I forgot to kiss her goodbye. What kind of mother am I? Does she not care anymore?
‘Got anything nice planned today?’
Well after that debacle at the gates I’m considering going home and sticking my head in the oven... What is wrong with you?? Don't even think things like that. Suicide is nothing to joke about. And you are being flippant, aren't you?
‘Just work. It’s boring but it pays the bills.’
Now you sound ungrateful. Did he lose his job during the pandemic? I can’t remember.
You’re home and safe. You can’t offend anyone now.
I’m shaking. I need coffee.
But you know coffee makes you worse.
If I don’t have coffee I’ll fall asleep at my desk.
You need to go to bed earlier.
I do, but I wake up at three in the morning just to fit extra worrying time in.
That’s ridiculous.
I know that! Try telling my brain – it doesn’t listen to me.
Should I text Anne and ask if I’ve upset her?
If I do and I have, what do I say?
If I do and I haven't, she’ll think I’m mental.
I am mental.
Who thinks like this?
No one else does.
It’s me. I’m broken.